


Just Pretend for Awhile

by leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Smut, Blood, Cesarean Section, F/M, Pregnancy, Scars, Swearing, Time Travel, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 14:04:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12889476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid/pseuds/leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid
Summary: The end of the world has been hard on Dean Winchester and he needs to just pretend for a little while.





	Just Pretend for Awhile

“You know what Dean, if you want to say yes to Michael then go. Just fucking go and do it because you know what, I don’t care anymore. I can’t care anymore.” A single tear burned its way down the side of your face as you reached for the door handle of the Impala, jumping out and making a beeline for the motel room.

Things between you and Dean had been tense for awhile. With Lucifer out of the cage and the angel Zachariah pushing constantly for Dean to say yes to the arch angel Michael things were only getting worse. Dean always seemed to be on the fence especially since he has come back from some trip to the future the angels had sent him on.

The sound of the Impala’s engine fading into the distance behind the closed motel room door confirmed that Dean wasn’t going to chase you down this time. You pulled off the boots you wore and threw your jacket off, letting it land on the back of a chair as you walked over to one of the two beds in the room, flinging yourself face down on it and letting yourself cry untill you were over come with exhaustion and fell asleep.

* * *

The light that filtered into the window seemed too bright and as your eyes came open you noticed you weren’t in the motel room you had fallen asleep in. The room you were in was an actual bedroom and as you wandered around you found you were in a house.

“How did I get here?” You whispered to yourself as you checked each room; your gun had still been tucked into the back of your waist band and despite your memory of taking your shoes off they seemed to have been placed back on your feet.

The house was empty and it wasn’t until you opened the front door that you noticed other things that were off. The whole street was quiet but not just quiet, it was silent. No sound of any kind not even birds chirping in the morning light.

You decided to just take a walk, maybe see if someone in the neighborhood had seen how you had gotten into that house but the farther you walked the more you became convinced that something awful had happened. Flashes of Dean telling you of the future the angels had sent him to came back to you and shivers run through your body. Croatoan’s were not something you wanted to encounter.

The rumble of an engine and the dull green paint of a truck caught your attention, making you ran to hide behind a child’s plastic playhouse sitting in one of the many front yards you had passed.

You watch heavily armed men and one woman exit the truck but it was the appearance of a very familiar individual that captured your attention.

“You all have your orders. Do not make me repeat them. We need supplies, so don’t fuck this one up. Get in, get what we need, and let’s get the fuck out of here before the Croats show up. Got it?” Dean’s cold voice made you shiver again and you wondered if maybe you had been sent forward in time too. If the man you were looking at wasn’t the man who had left you at the motel but rather a more calloused version of him.

You waited til the group dispersed before creeping out of your hiding spot while tucking your gun back into your waist band. Dean still stood at the truck, his eyes surveying the area for movement and when his olive eyes landed on your form he raised the weapon hanging at his side.

“Don’t move.”

You stopped in your tracks, throwing your hands up, “its okay, Dean. It’s me, Y/N. What the hells going on here?”

Dean didn’t lower the weapon he held, instead he made tentative steps toward you, “you know what’s going on here. The same crap that’s been going on for the last few years. Now, who the hell are you?”

“I told you, Dean. I’m Y/N. I’m not a shifter or a demon I swear. Look, I’m gonna pull the knife I keep in my boot out. The silver one you gave me for my birthday with the ivy detailing on the handle.” You reached very slowly down to your ankle and lifted the edge of your pant leg before pulling the sheathed silver dagger out and making a small nick on your arm. “See, not a demon, not a shape shifter. I’m me, Dean, please put the gun down.”

Dean’s hard eyes took in the blood on your arm and he lowered his weapon, reaching into his back pocket and throwing you the scrap of a rag. “Wrap your arm. Don’t need you getting a damn infection because you had to prove yourself to me. Go sit in the fucking truck, I’ve gotta round some people up, this is taking too long.”

Dean walked away and into one of the houses you saw others enter as you made a move for the truck, climbing into the unlocked cab to wait.

Several minutes later you watched as the people you had watched go into a couple of houses returned, small bags over each person’s shoulder carrying what you assumed was needed supplies.

No one said anything and Dean was the only person who climbed into the cab with you even though you had watched another man and a woman step out when they arrived.

“When we get back to camp we are going to talk. You aren’t going to talk to anyone else and ain’t nobody gonna be talking to you. Got it?”

You nodded at Dean’s gruff tone. If this was the Dean your Dean had encountered on his trip to the future you knew you were in for it. Your Dean had told you how vindictive and jaded this future Dean was, how losing Sam to Lucifer had pushed future Dean too far and made him into a rage filled shell of a man.

The ride was quiet and you stayed in the truck untill Dean told you to get out and follow him. You walked through camp; men, women and a few children mulled about doing whatever work was necessary.

Dean led you to a large tent and when you walked in behind him you found it was his living quarters.

“Sit. I think we have some things to discuss.” Dean walked over towards a set of chairs and pulled one out towards you, gesturing you to sit down.

You sank down on the chair and watched as Dean took the one opposite of you, his eyes seemed to be analyzing every aspect of your face like he hadn’t seen it in a long time. You chewed at the corner inside your lip waiting for Dean to say something.

“You still chew the inside of your lip. Guess some things never change but then again I guess things are pretty different for you from when you are than here isn’t it?”

“How do you know I’m not from here?”

“Well, first of all because you asked what was going on and my Y/N would already know because she’s lived it and second because my Y/N hasn’t been around in a long time. Angel send you here like they did the other me?”

You shrugged, “honestly I don’t know. We, my Dean and I, we had this fight and I went into the motel we were staying at to cry and I must of fallen asleep. When I woke up I was in some house in the neighborhood you picked me up in but yeah probably angels. But I thought you were dead.”

Dean nodded while releasing a slow breath through his nose, “Nope, alive and kicking sweetheart. That boyfriend of yours disappeared the night before a mission we were set to go on. Ended up missing our mission to look for the dumb son of a bitch. Now I take it I didn’t say yes and those dickbags send you in hopes that when you go home you will convince me to say yes. That is, that’s some fucked up shit. Even for fucking angels that’s a fucking dick move.” 

Your Dean had said he had watched a Lucifer possessed Sam kill this Dean, so how was he still alive? Did the angels rewrite time? They must have if the mission to take out Lucifer never happened because they were looking for your Dean.

Dean got up from his chair and grabbed a flask from the duffle you hadn’t noticed him chuck on the bed. He offered it to you briefly before putting it to his lips when you waved it away. He spun the cap back on as he sat back down his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned forward. “If Zachariah sent you here like he sent me before, then you might be here for awhile. I’ll see where you can bunk for awhile but while you’re here you need to lay low. A lot of the people here don’t know who you are but some do and I would really appreciate all the uncomfortable questions to be avoided this time round.”

You nodded and watched Dean stand up, beckoning you to follow him around as he showed you the camp and found you a tent to stay in with some of the other women. Dean was sure to let those women know that under any circumstances were they to question him about why you were there or bother him in general about it.

* * *

Three days passed with very little interaction between you and Dean. In fact you had spent very little time interacting with anyone in the camp unless you had to. You spent most of your time trying to figure out how you were supposed to get back home; back to your time.

Finally you couldn’t take it anymore and you went out looking for Dean. He was in the tent he had originally taken you to, his tent and you didn’t hesitate to let yourself in.

“I need to talk to you and if I’m ever going to go home I think you need to talk to me.”

Dean looked up from the map he was looking at, a bunch of little red and black X’s littered the paper. He sniffed and made a gesture towards the other empty chair, the one you had sat in the last time you were here. “Please talk away; I’m not busy running this camp or anything.”

Despite the amount of sarcasm in Dean’s tone you took a seat anyway and laid everything out on the table. “Look, Dean, I know you’re busy. You were always busy, you are always busy but I need to know some things and I need to find a way to go home. As nice as every one has been I kind of miss hot showers and sleeping on a real mattress.”

“You always were a bit of a princess. What do you wanna know, sweetheart?”

You let out a huff at the princess comment, you hated when he calls you that or rather you hate it when your Dean calls you that. “I want to know what happened to me. Where did I go?”

Dean shook his head, “I’ll tell you what I told myself, no. No fucking way am I going down that road with you. What happened, happened and there ain’t no changing it and you really don’t need to know.”

“Just tell me, Dean. I think I fucking deserve to know what happens to me. At the very least so I can avoid it.”

“No, Y/N. You can ask me anything else but the answer to that one is no. Now move on. Ask something else.”

You stared across the room at Dean, his jaw set as his cold eyes stared back into yours. “Why won’t you tell me what happened to me, Dean? Where am I? Am I dead?”

Dean swallowed, “you don’t want to know what happened. Look around you and guess what happened.”

“I’m dead then, is that it. I’m dead and you don’t want me to know. Did you kill me, Dean? Did all those promises you use to make to keep me safe, were they all lies?” Dean looked down at his boots, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he fought against the tears stinging the backs of his eyes. “Well Dean, answer the question. Am I fucking dead?”

Dean’s eyes snapped back up to yours, “I don’t know. I don’t know if you’re dead because you took off.” His voice rose as he spoke, “I fucked up and I couldn’t…” Dean ran a hand down his worn face. “Before Sam said yes, you, fuck, you got pregnant and we didn’t find out untill after Sam went to Detroit. You always said that if maybe he knew maybe he would have kept saying no.” Dean’s head dropped forward as the memories from that time came back.

“So, we had a baby.” Dean nodded. “Then why did I leave, Dean?”

A tear ran down Dean’s cheek as he looked back up at you wiping at his face furiously, “because I couldn’t keep our daughter safe. Because I’m a shitty father and I couldn’t keep…I, fuck, she got infected and it’s my fault. I was suppose to be watching her but I got distracted for a second and one was on her before I could even move. I told you I’d take care of her while you got some sleep because you’d been sick and not sleeping, we’d been on the run for days, the building looked safe but…I fucked up. That’s why you left because I couldn’t even be a good dad and take care of my kid so her mom could sleep.” Dean’s chest was heaving and he got up turning his back to you to take deep breaths to fight off the urge he had to vomit. The memories of watching that Croat bleeding onto Mary’s face, the memory of having to shoot his own daughter between the eyes, your screams of horror having been awoken by the gun shot followed by your wails of sorrow unable to hold your own daughter’s body.

You remained silent letting everything sink in. You had been a mother to a daughter you’d named Mary but Mary was gone. You ran the scenario over and over in your mind still getting stuck on the same piece of information.

“I didn’t leave just because Mary got infected did I?” Dean was facing you again but refused to look up at you as you stood up from your chair. “I wasn’t just sick was I, Dean? I was pregnant again and knew I couldn’t trust you to keep us safe anymore weren’t I?”

Dean looked up at you and bit at his bottom lip, “I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to find a drug store still in business to check. You never said you were but I think so.”  Dean rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, “you always seemed to be tired and not feeling good and it had gone on for a few weeks so best guess is yeah, you were.”

You let out a shaky breath, “did you try to look for me?”

Dean took a step towards you, his dull green eyes meeting yours, “I’m still looking.”

Dean’s hands moved to grab the sides of your face and pulled your lips towards his own, letting the muscle memory of every kiss the two of you ever shared guide him, his tongue giving tiny licks at your bottom lip untill you welcomed him with your own tongue.

Fingers moving to tangle in your hair as the kiss between you deepened, your hands moving on their own accord to push at the jacket and open button down Dean was wearing. Dean was quick to shed them and his own hands moved to pull the borrowed shirt you were wearing off and over your head followed by unclasping your bra and removing his own shirt.

You let your eyes take in the subtle differences between your Dean and this one. The build was the same but there were more scars. Raised white lines across his torso spoke of injuries you hadn’t sown shut yet. You let your fingers graze over a few before your hand settled over the tattoo on Dean’s chest, his hand coming up to grab your wrist and raise the palm up to kiss it briefly before he pulled you to his chest again.

Dean pressed passion filled kisses to your lips as he walked you over to his bed in the corner and when your legs met the edge he gently lowering you down to its surface, only breaking your kiss to untie the laces of your boots as well as his own to leave on the floor. His fingers seemed to fly across the button and zipper of your jeans as he kissed a path down your body. The urgency behind all of his movements reminded you that for him it had been a long time since he’d had you in his arms. He needed this more than you did.

It only seemed like seconds before your jeans were pulled from your body along with your underwear, Dean’s own pants and boxer discarded in a flash.

“God, I missed you. Miss the way your mouth tastes, the way your skin tastes, I miss the little noises you make when I do this.” Dean pressed two fingered to the entrance of your core, finding it already wet from just Dean’s desperate kisses. Dean sank them in slow and only to the first knuckle, reveling in the breathy moan you released, a groan of his own accompanying it as he pulled his fingers out to run them over your swollen clit.

Your hips thrust towards the movement of Dean’s fingers and then ran quick tight circles around your clit as his lips pulled a nipple into his mouth. You arched your back, pushing more of your breast into Dean’s mouth where he greedily sucked and nipped, your hand running through the hair on the back of his head.

Dean’s fingers ran down between your folds and slowly pushed two inside you as his mouth kissed down the center of your body, stopping when he came to your hip bone. He pulled his mouth away, his fingers stilling as he ran the fingers of the hand not trapped between your legs over the lower part of your stomach.

“My Y/N had a scar here from when she had Mary. I’d always kiss it and tell her how beautiful it was because it reminds me of how beautiful and strong she was giving birth to our daughter.” Dean pressed a kiss into the unflawed skin and you wiped at the tears that sprang to your eyes.

“I’m still her, Dean. Or at least I will be her someday, just like one day my Dean will be you.” You pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth as you felt Dean’s fingers slowly slip out and reach for your hand that lay at your side.

Dean intertwined your finger and crawled back up your body untill his face was level with yours, the hand he held coming to rest beside your head. His wide green eyes searched yours for a few seconds before murmuring, “I guess we can pretend for awhile.” Dean captured you in another kiss as he moved to position himself at your entrance, the blunt head of his cock just nudging at your opening untill you wrapped your legs around the backs of Dean’s thighs urging him forward.

Dean sank slowly into the warmth of your body, a groan reverberating from deep in his chest as he pulled your bottom lip between his teeth before pulling away to rest his forehead to yours.

You stared up at Dean, his eyes squeezed shut and his body unmoving on top of you as you wrapped your arms around his back and hugged him closer to you.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m here.” You whispered to Dean, a shaky sigh coming from his lips before he started to move, his hips gently rolling against your own as he moved his arms under your back to cradle you to him.

Dean skimmed kisses over your face to your neck where he murmured into your skin, “I’m sorry. I should have protected you. I should have protected her. Don’t leave this time. Stay. I’m sorry. I love you.” Each word was punctuated by a desperate roll of Dean’s hips against your own and you fought to keep from crying out as the pleasure was slowly building between your thighs.

You kissed Dean’s shoulder and neck, your fingers gripping tight to Dean’s back as his words trailed off, hot puffs of air fanning over your neck as the speed of Dean’s thrusts increased, your own hips rolling up to meet his.

Dean’s movements started to become erratic and he pulled one of his arms out from under your back to slide between your bodies, the grip your hands had on his back loosening to allow more space between you as Dean circled your clit with the tips of his fingers.

You turned your head to pull Dean in for a kiss as the coil of heat you had felt building started to burn out of control; Dean’s tongue invading your mouth and clouding your senses as he pushed into you a few times more before your vision went dark, toes curling as you moaned your release into Dean’s mouth.

Dean pulled your bottom lip between his teeth and gently tugged as the fluttering of your inner walls around his cock pulled him over the edge too, his cock twitching and prolonging your own orgasm.

When your walls stopped pulsating around him, Dean slowly rolled to lie next to you, his fingers silently inching to tangle with yours again and raising the knuckles to his full lips kissing them.

“Stay this time. Don’t go back. I need you here more than I needed you then.”

You turned to look at Dean, a Dean that wasn’t your own, at least not yet and gave him a weak smile. “I don’t make the rules baby, angels do ,and they decide when I’ve learned what I needed to learn. They decide when I go back.” You turned onto your side, tucking yourself into the crook of Dean’s arm that he stretched out. “I want to stay for a little while though. Maybe they will let me stay if it’s what I really want.”

A yawn escaped you as Dean grabbed for the blanket that had been pushed to the side, throwing it over both your naked forms. “We don’t have any missions today so let’s just take a nap. It’s been too long since I’ve had you in my arms.”

You nodded sleepily against Dean’s warm chest, your eyes falling shut as you drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The sound of a door shutting startled you awake.

“Hey, sorry I woke you. I was trying to be quiet.” The sound of keys hitting the table as Dean walked over to the bed you were laying on.

“It’s okay.” You looked around the room you were in, the tent you had fallen asleep in was gone and replaces by tacky floral wallpaper, and the bed you had been sleeping on was a real mattress on a bed frame not one thrown on a dirty floor in a corner.

You had made it home, back to your time and back to your Dean.

Dean sat on the side of the bed next to you as you sat up, pulling your legs up to cross them.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick. I just…I don’t know what to do with this. Sam’s all over the place and we are always looking out for angels. I don’t want to say yes to Michael, Y/N. I really don’t but I really think I might have to if it’s the only way to save Sam. I have to save him.”

You nodded and reached for Dean’s hands, “I know you do. We’ll figure something out.”

Dean pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace, your chin tucked into his shoulder.

“The angels sent me to the future tonight.”

Dean moved away from you but still keeping you at arms length, his thumb sliding over a small scab on your arm, “how long were you there?” Dean’s eyes moved rapidly back and forth searching for more answer then he asked for.

“Four days, I guess. Future you found me in this neighborhood and took me back to his camp to interrogate me. Why didn’t you tell me about what happened? Why didn’t you tell me about what happened to me, to us?”

Dean shook his head and looked down, his hands moved to cradle your own, his thumb running over your knuckles. He wet his lips before the words came tumbling out. “I didn’t tell you because I’m trying to avoid it. If you don’t get pregnant we won’t lose our daughter, I won’t get her killed.” Dean lifted his head, his moss colored eyes shiny with tears, “I can’t lose you and her and Sam. I can’t lose everybody. That’s why I didn’t say anything and that’s why we haven’t been…” Dean stopped and ran his tongue between his lips again. “I just can’t and it’s the only way I know how to stop it from happening.”

You pulled your hands from Dean and wrapped your arms around him as he started to quietly cry against your neck. “It’s okay baby, I’m here. We’ll figure this out.”

Dean moved to lie down and pulled you down with him. His quiet sobs diminishing as he slowly feel asleep with you lying on his chest.

You mind reeled as you lay next to Dean. Was your trip real? Had you really gone forward in time or were the angels just making you hallucinated? There were so many unanswered questions and when four weeks later Sam, Dean, Bobby and Castiel took off for Detroit leaving you back at Bobby’s fighting some stupid stomach bug you had been experiencing the last few days you were left with even more.

Was the baby you were carrying your Dean’s or a jaded future version of your Dean? That answer you would never know.


End file.
